April, Already. It seems as each month gets here and goes by, it never ceases to amaze me how fast it goes. It was the month that put me closer to finishing Spring semester at school, which is a great thing! It was also the month I continued what I was doing in March, with a few changes. There are a lot of things needing to be worked through.
April first, brought the end of my "relationship" with Kev. I realized that I needed more than he could give me living as far away as he did, and I wasn't being fair to him with my indecisiveness. I also was "changing" a little more than he expected. But I was finding my more outgoing side during the past months of this journey. And as the weight has started to come off, I've started to notice the doors that are there for me to open and new things are out there that I can discover and try. Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy and I pray that he meets a girl that is aware of all that he has to offer, and is blessed with the love he craves. I also DID NOT want to move out to Seattle. There was no option of him moving here, so for me to leave my family, friends and my life in Southern Maryland was a hard thing to consider.
Before I start getting into any new news, I gotta start with the fact that my E.D. is no where close to being in recovery mode. I'm TRYING. I am TRYING, really. It's kinda strange that I realized I was scared of food. Coming from someone who would binge and purge who loved food. The process, the making, the history, the eating it with friends and family, is now scared of being put in situations with it. Going out to eat with friends, going to family events...scare me. I've fallen into old patterns, but am now eating more than in recent months. With still a long way to go, there is some improvement. My heart isn't as stressed out, and hasn't given me as many panic attacks as it was. And I'm trying to get my health back on track. I have this one body after all. It's not going to change overnight, but I'm trying to get back into healthy ways of losing this weight and getting healthy! I want to LIVE, enjoy a healthy body and outlook on life.
Because I was doing things the wrong, unhealthy way. I stopped trusting in God's hand in my life and in my journey. Wow, what a bad decision that was. He is forever faithful, and has saved me so many more times than I can ever remember. I know I need to put my trust back in Him and start living my life again, FOR HIM. He has blessed me in many ways, and I am very thankful.
My intentions for May and into the summer are to finally reach my 100 pound lost mark, get UNDER 200 pounds and start fighting for me. My journey is about creating a better me, a better life, a better body. Time that I stop taking it all for granted, since God has blessed me with it all.
So here's the numbers for April: Started April out at 228. Ended it at 219. Gives me a 9 pound loss for the month of April, and a 90 pound loss overall.
April first, brought the end of my "relationship" with Kev. I realized that I needed more than he could give me living as far away as he did, and I wasn't being fair to him with my indecisiveness. I also was "changing" a little more than he expected. But I was finding my more outgoing side during the past months of this journey. And as the weight has started to come off, I've started to notice the doors that are there for me to open and new things are out there that I can discover and try. Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy and I pray that he meets a girl that is aware of all that he has to offer, and is blessed with the love he craves. I also DID NOT want to move out to Seattle. There was no option of him moving here, so for me to leave my family, friends and my life in Southern Maryland was a hard thing to consider.
Before I start getting into any new news, I gotta start with the fact that my E.D. is no where close to being in recovery mode. I'm TRYING. I am TRYING, really. It's kinda strange that I realized I was scared of food. Coming from someone who would binge and purge who loved food. The process, the making, the history, the eating it with friends and family, is now scared of being put in situations with it. Going out to eat with friends, going to family events...scare me. I've fallen into old patterns, but am now eating more than in recent months. With still a long way to go, there is some improvement. My heart isn't as stressed out, and hasn't given me as many panic attacks as it was. And I'm trying to get my health back on track. I have this one body after all. It's not going to change overnight, but I'm trying to get back into healthy ways of losing this weight and getting healthy! I want to LIVE, enjoy a healthy body and outlook on life.
Because I was doing things the wrong, unhealthy way. I stopped trusting in God's hand in my life and in my journey. Wow, what a bad decision that was. He is forever faithful, and has saved me so many more times than I can ever remember. I know I need to put my trust back in Him and start living my life again, FOR HIM. He has blessed me in many ways, and I am very thankful.
My intentions for May and into the summer are to finally reach my 100 pound lost mark, get UNDER 200 pounds and start fighting for me. My journey is about creating a better me, a better life, a better body. Time that I stop taking it all for granted, since God has blessed me with it all.
So here's the numbers for April: Started April out at 228. Ended it at 219. Gives me a 9 pound loss for the month of April, and a 90 pound loss overall.
