As I was going through my mid July changes to show great results I realized I hadn't written my June update.
June was just another month....nothing new really. School (job) ended, so I found myself with only working at Birch. Jojo still kicked my butt and was the keeper of my sanity, and the cardio was still a part of my routine. See..nothing new...
Eating, like always, still remains to be a daily struggle. That's no big surprise, but it gets old. According to Jojo, I'm still not eating enough, which could be one of the reasons my weight didn't move the whole month of June!! OH MY GOODNESS..I can't stand it!! I'm trying my best to do what I need to do. I'm on month 6 of my "soda sobriety". I don't drink any sodas of any kind, regular or diet. In addition, I gave up the sweet tea and stuck with my favorite 5o calorie diet lemonade *made with Splenda* from Chic fil a, if I need a change. Water with lemon is necessary, but can get boring. :)
My body is changing, I do know that. The strength training is paying off and I need to remember that, but good gravy it's hard. I don't see the change in my body that others are noticing, I still see myself as "really big" even though I know parts of me are smaller. My arms and legs have changed, I know that. I've gained muscle and I love every minute of it. My endurance has risen and that is awesome. Cardio is fun, because I can push myself farther than I have in the past.
I'm blessed and I try to remember that multiple times every day. I'm truly blessed beyond measure. My mind along with my body is still a work in progress and will be for the next year or so, but I have the support that's needed to see me through it.
The weight part is the part I hate admitting...and like Jojo always reminds me, it's the inches that he cares about. I haven't measured inches since I was at Jenny Craig years ago, and I wish that I had at the beginning of my journey. As a life long "fluffy" girl, I have been so used to measuring and keeping track of my successes via the number on the scale. So when I see in the past 2 months that the number hasn't moved or GONE UP! It's frustrating!! I try to never forget where I've come from and where I am now...nor where I'm headed. I'm excited and a lil scared about the life that is ahead of me. I started out this month at 241.5, i ended the month at 242.5, so I gained a pound. I don't know if it's because of the muscle/fat ratio, or because my body is still in starvation mode. I just don't know.
This journey is still an obsession in my life, and I've come to realize it will always be in my mind. I will ALWAYS have to monitor the things I eat, the amount of exercise I maintain and my general mindset. This journey is definitely a life long journey. It's a common one for a lot of people, but I'm praying I have the strength to "motor on through". I never want to get back up to 309 pounds and be as unhappy as I was. I'm still working on the happiness and loving myself part of this whole thing.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. Life is GOOD!! God is good!! I love school, blessed to have a job, family that I love, friends I adore, and am getting more and more "comfortable" in the dating scene. I'm getting my priorities straight and praying for the best. But there are obviously still times when I get down on myself. Regretting my past is a waste of time since some of my choices have made me who I am today. I would definitely do things differently if I could. I'm staying around positive people and trying to avoid negative situations and people in my life.
Life is too short to deal with drama and people who are negative and discouraging ALL THE TIME! I have patience, but when people don't want to help themselves get out of the life that they don't like....there's only so much I can do. I love my family and friends, but I HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR ME, too!
I saw a quote recently on an Eating Disorders Recovery FB status from Mary Kay Ash, that said "If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right." What a simple statement that is incredibly true, and worth putting on a bathroom mirror. :)
I'm feeling ok with how July is going so far, I am. But that'll have to wait til my next monthly update. :)
Thanks for reading, y'all!!
