WOW...It's been quite a while since I've seen this screen. I haven't written a blog since the end of August. That's crazy! I decided in the beginning that I was going to write once a month, whether good or bad came out of the month. Well, that was before I decided to take some time off *cough* slack *cough*... for about 3 months. Now, it's not like I needed the time, considering that the summer was pretty much a "Butterfly Journey" vacation. When I got on the scale in September I discovered I had put over 20 pounds back on!!!! Yep, not just 5 or 10 back... more than 20 insanely stupid pounds. I was so frustrated, sad and mad and everything in between. I felt defeated. Somewhere along this journey I gave up and didn't care.....I had lost my "fight".
As I try and say every time I write, I'm blessed! More than I can possibly express. Life is good! It's changed, like it usually does. But, when I remember where I've been and where I am NOW, in the present, LIFE IS SOO GOOD. God is an amazing God and I praise Him for allowing His hard headed, some times impatient, good hearted child to come back to where she belongs. It's taken me far too long to realize how far I strayed, and it took my "special buddy", to help bring me back to my faith. And no matter what God means to happen with my "special buddy" and I...I will always be grateful to him for truly leading me back to God. I'll get into that guest of the month later.....but back to the topic at hand. :)
When I last posted at the end of August, I was kidding myself to think that my mind was back where it needed to be. I wanted it to be there, but I know now...I wasn't even close. I didn't start going to the gym again and it would take another two months before my mind would be in the place it needed to be to kick my butt into gear. I do have to say I regret all the time I "wasted" in between May and October. Although, I see now that it allowed me to be grateful for the journey I'm on and realize that I can see this through and get to where I need to be. I'm excited for the road ahead. I believe that has to do with getting back to my faith and also finding the "inner strength" inside of me. I know I can't do this without God, my family, my friends and MYSELF. I have to take responsibility and remember that it's mind over matter. The only things that excuses accomplish are wasting time, and lying to myself.
To say that I'm already 100% back to working out and finally have my eating on a normal schedule would be lying. So, I'm not gonna tell you that. I've been making changes, changes that I know need to last for life, not just for the journey. I've achieved 77 days of "soda sobriety". That in itself is a big thing for me. So it's back to water and Chick-fil-a Diet Lemonade, sometimes tea. Eating is still a daily struggle and I know it's gonna take some time to get to where I feel comfortable with food to have a "normal" relationship with it. To help with that I re-joined Weight Watchers for the 100th time *it seems* on the 16th October. I knew I needed help developing a normal schedule and also to, tell me what to eat. WW gives me a guide and, tracking my food helps with losing. Tracking my food gives me a sense of control and stability. On 29 November, the whole program changed and now is the "Points Plus" system. I'm still getting used to having even more points to eat, and what each food's new point value is, but I'm getting there slowly. I haven't gone to a meeting since Points Plus started, so I need to get back to that. Accountability is important, and I forgot that along the line somewhere. As far as the gym goes, well....I started going back and know that I need to get a weekly/monthly schedule going for my workouts. I miss the weights and know I need the cardio and strength training combined to get the weight off.
As I said, life is good and I'm so incredibly blessed! My health is ok, it's been worse...so I'm blessed to be where I am now. Migranes are still there, my asthma has been acting up and that's been difficult to deal with since having to do double doses of breathing treatments knock a lot out of me. But, you do what you gotta do! :) Work is good. I'm subbing with the county still and working Birch as well. School is school. I can't wait for Spring Semester to start. I'm so thankful to be able to get an education and as much as I could kick myself for not being done with it already, I know I'm heading the right direction and am excited for the end result to come.
I've also been trying to be patient and wait for God to send the man after His own heart, to come steal mine, so that's been interesting. My "special buddy" has been in my life for quite some time. We sent little emails to each other but I never thought much about it because of the distance. After a 5 hour conversation followed by many 4 hour conversations, in early November I boarded a plane to WA to go see him. It was a good weekend, and we're "friends" waiting to see where God takes this "long distance thing". The door is still open though....for who ever God wants to bring through it. As I said earlier, I have to thank my "special buddy" for bringing me back to my faith. During our first 5 hour conversation, I brought up my youth group, and it all started there. A couple conversations later, we decided to start bible studies over the phone. That's been awesome and I've remembered I have an identity in God and no matter what happens with my "special buddy" and I...God has my heart and life in His hands.
So, my "Butterfly journey" has had some ups and downs over the last 7 months. I've lost 14 pounds *of what I gained back* since the beginning of October, so I'm excited to see that I'm back on track and 9 pounds away from my lowest weight. So here it goes.... I started this journey at 309 pounds, my lowest weight was 238 pounds, I'm now 246. That's a total of 63 pounds lost.
Even in all the frustration and time lost, I'm so grateful and blessed to be where I am now. I find myself making different choices than I did before. My endurance is so much more than it was before and it makes me smile when I realize the difference. Walking in NYC in the beginning of December was just one light bulb moment. I remember a couple years ago, going up there and being very winded trying to keep up and hating to walk because of that, and this time it was like a whole new world. I wasn't getting winded at all, and I enjoyed being active. The only thing about NYC that I don't like AT ALL...are the crowds. Holy mackral my anxiety was through the roof...but I moved past it, and lived in the moment of being in NYC at Christmas time and got through it fine. :) Another example is that when I went to Old Town, Alexandria the other day, I PURPOSELY parked about 5-6 blocks down the street, so I'd have to WALK to get to where I needed to go. Yes it was cold *bearable* and yes I had to go up hill to get there, but it was so awesome to feel that difference in ME from before to now. I would've paid whatever I needed, to pay to park as close as I could, before the weight was gone. I'm now wanting to complete a 5k than a 10k and know I can do that and more. Getting healthy and walking/jogging for a good cause....can't get much better than that!
I'm starting again..... I'm starting from here and gonna keep going. God has a plan for His girl and I can't wait to see what it is! Being blessed with great family, awesome friends and everything else is worth it and more.
As always, THANK YOU for the hugs, love, prayers and support. I love your smiles, warm hearts and presence and thank God that each of you is in my life for the long haul. You are awesome and such a blessing! God Bless y'all!!
"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person." ~Audrey Hepburn
