I know how blessed I am. I am grateful and amazed how much so, sometimes. Life has it's ups and downs, and the obstacles we don't think we're ever gonna be able to get through, but life goes on and those obstacles pass. As this journey continues to progress, I am learning more about myself and about life. We only get once chance to live the life God gives us on earth. And it goes by too fast, to allow the thoughts and judgements of others control how I live it. My life is mine to live. God knows, I'm not perfect, he made me that way. Only He understands a "heart like mine", and He loves me anyways. It's not my place or my right to judge others, so it's amazing how they think they can judge me. At 26, I am just starting to LIVE life. Smiling and laughing at every opportunity, keeping a positive attitude *unless a girl in a Trailblazer cuts in front of me, almost hitting my car.* :)
April was another month with ups and downs. I missed about 2 weeks at the gym with JoJo, either because I was sick, or had work/school stuff to do. I got back on with him and started going more regular, the last week of the month. It felt really good to get back. It's amazing that a place I hated going to, is now the place I run to when I need to think or need to work off frustrations. I love being able to go. For example, the other night I was having relationship issues and I knew if I did my normal "baking therapy", I would've eaten the cookie dough *minus the choc chips, since I don't like chocolate*. lol So I ran in my room, grabbed my clothes and at 2230, I walked in the gym, and told Jojo what was going on. Got on that treadmill, then on the bike and worked everything I was thinking off. I was in the gym for 2 hours that day, and it felt great. It gave me such a powerful feeling to know that I MADE the decision to do something active, me, myself and I made that decision. WOW, how awesome.
Now, in all this positive energy, and attitude...don't think I have overcome all the negative energy. I haven't. I still have my moments where I go back into that depressed mode, and it scares me...because I know what my life was like, during that time. The difference now is that I know there's another ME, that I like better. And my self esteem will go up as the weight comes off, and I can teach myself to see myself and life's choices differently. It won't be easy to change my thought process, but it'll be worth it in the end!
Between dating, going back to subbing, STILL not eating enough and not being able to go to the gym...I didn't think I'd do as well this month, and didn't weigh in for 2 weeks. That whole not eating thing is a hard habit to break. I swear Jojo is gonna kill me one of these days...bless his heart, he tries to get me to eat, ANYTHING. lol And now I even freak out over having to drink the Gatorade. Now, this is a no no, because I have to drink it during my workouts to keep my blood sugar up, or I get introduced to the floor. That was a scary experience, and one I'd rather not repeat. But I'm doing better with the eating thing, and when I learned that because my metabolism is FINALLY starting to speed up, I need to eat..in order to lose. It's given me a different perspective. It'll get easier..I know it will. :)
Now onto the weight part. I started off this month at 259...I ended April at 249. So a total of 10 pounds lost for the month, and 60 pounds total!!! Amazing!
Can't wait to see what May brings...God is GOOD! Life is GOOD!
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