I can't believe that summer and July went by as quickly as it did and that we're halfway done with August. WOW!
Life is good, it really is. I'm keeping an eye on my health and blood counts like I should be, keeping docs appts and taking meds like I should too. So that part is going OK, BUT I let myself kinda give up for a lil bit in July and through August. My eating was off most of the month, only met with Jojo once, cardio...what's that?! After 2 months of my weight stabilizing and not doing a thing... I just got frustrated enough to not put any effort into it. I put my effort into other things, like school, work and my social life. I think that's part of the reason my weight is stabilizing like it is...My past has shown that when I put more effort into one thing, I slack in other areas. I believe that when my classes picked up, I unintentionally put more energy and effort into getting that done, and when juggling school and work along with everything else...cardio was forgotten and I had to cancel on Jojo because of work. It was too easy to let the "journey" go since I had gone "full force" on it for so long. I'm disappointed that I've let myself go, like I have. It was just a stumbling block that I can learn how to get past, and I will..NO doubt about it.
July was a pretty busy month. Started off with one of my favorite holiday's *The 4th* and then my 27th Birthday, which was a great weekend, I got to see Tim McGraw and Lady A with my bestie! Went to see my Blue Crabs play *not enough though* :( lol Had a visit from my "City Boy" in the middle of the month, and went down to NC with Bear, before he redeployed to get some closure. I worked a lot and was still taking classes, which took up a good amount of time. As you're seeing July brought both new beginnings and reasons to smile and endings to finally get some closure, so my emotions this month have been ALL over the place. :) I'm still figuring out how much stronger I am now, and how I am changing *for the better*.
I'm realizing I'm really NOT the same person I was. I'm starting to do what I've always wanted to do...get to know me without the fat. I'm starting now, since 67 pounds of it is gone, and I have a feeling it's gonna take a while. I'm getting to know who I really am, and actually going for what I want in life, love and just in general. I'm not gonna figure it out overnight, or in a month. And to be completely honest...some people aren't gonna like it. I'm already figuring that out....
I'm not a doormat or a pushover. I can't stand drama or people who cause it. I love that it's the little things that make me smile. I'm still trying to figure out how to forgive and forget. I've made mistakes and hurt people and I'm trying to make up for it now. I believe in Karma and that no good deed is overlooked. I'm letting go of toxic people in my life, no matter who they are. I believe in being grateful and appreciating what you have already been blessed with. I'm craving to do more volunteer work and start giving back, I'm hoping to volunteer more very soon. I bake for others because it's just one more way of giving/sharing love to those I care about. When I say "I Love You" I mean it. I try and keep a positive outlook all the time because life is too short for wallowing in self pity. I'm blessed to have the opportunity to get an education, and can't wait to see where it leads me. I wish I had learned to be "financially smart" earlier in life. I take responsibility for my mistakes, not anyone elses! My self esteem is still really low, but I'm trying to figure out a way to change that. I hurt when I see other people who are more overweight than I am and it makes me sad because I know what that pain feels like.
When I finished June I had gained a pound and was at 242.5. When I finished July...I was at the SAME WEIGHT! My clothes are still fitting better and the 18 denim skirt I got from Old Navy is big on me, so I know I'm losing inches, which was awesome! My goal is to be 199.5 or lower by 31 Dec 2010. God willing, hard work and Jojo's patience, I'll do it!!
I remember saying, "I'm not gonna change, I'll just be smaller" I'm grateful that's not true. I'm working on being a better person, inside and out.
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